Whose Birthday Is It???

Christmas is almost upon us, the most joyous time of the year.... Or is it?

For many, it's just a season filled with stress, financial trouble, or loneliness. For others it's a time to visit with friends and family, bake, buy gifts or hope for some new blessing in their life.

What does it mean to you?

In this age of commercialism, are you making the time to celebrate the birthday of our Lord? It's so easy to allow the days to fly by and be swamped with all the chores required by Christmas. Baking, mailing cards, buying gifts, decorating the tree, helping children with programs...all these are good in themselves, but what will really bring the peace and joy to your heart and your family?

Let me make a small suggestion. When you wake up each morning between now and Christmas, don't jump out of bed and hit the floor running...no matter how many chores are begging to be done. Lay in bed another five minutes, and give time to the Lord. Let the awe of Christmas fill your heart and the joy of our Saviour minister to your spirit. Don't beat yourself up for not taking an hour with your Bible & prayer. Do what you're able to do, but make sure your priorities put Him first in your day.... After all....

Whose Birthday Is it, Anyway?

Merry Christmas to all, and Happy Birthday to you, Jesus!

Help For Blended Families

I'm going to be writing and sharing articles about blended families....whether it be foster, step children, mixed marriages, adoptions, etc. Even within the Christian community families and marriages are in need of help.

My debut novel, The Other Daughter, deals with the issue of an unexpected blended family and all the varied emotions that can take place. We see a family and marriage almost derailed by the strong emotions and struggles that ensue when an unexpected addition to their family arrives in their midst.

How do marriages survive when a child appears...whether it be a teen or an adult, years after the event in question....especially when one of the spouses haven't been told of the child's existence?

I've already had three different readers mention that either they or a close friend have experienced the same type of situation. Our family did, also. The premise for the book was taken from our life...only we had an 18 yr. old girl write a letter to my husband, explaining that she believed him to be her father. Were we shocked? Yes. Were we angry at one another or did the shock turn to distrust and destroy our marriage? Thankfully, no.

We decided that the hurts and needs of this young woman were more important than what we might be feeling. She'd been told most of her life that her father didn't want her and she had some deep hurts that needed to be addressed. Trisha is now a part of our family, and her father was able to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day, and we're now grandparents to her three children.

God is able to take that which the enemy wants to destroy, and bring beauty from the ashes. He's the restorer of broken hearts and the one who keeps relationships in tact. Lean on Him for your family's needs and look to Him to bring peace into turmoil. He's faithful, so very faithful!

So Much To Do and SO Little Time!

I must say I'm excited and a little overwhelmed all at the same time. September has been the busiest month I've experienced so far this year, and it promises to get worse, before it gets better....or should I say, it promises to get better, before it gets worse, LOL! I guess it depends if you view being super busy as a bad thing, or look at it like I have to...that the things keeping me busy are WONDERFUL things. Here's a quick overview of what my month holds:

The first week of September our family was engrossed in wedding details. Our son Steven and his lovely bride Hannah were married on Sept. 8th...the rehearsal and dinner took place the evening before and we had a 3 hr round trip to take part. A couple of weeks before my mother and I attended the bridal shower and had a wonderful time getting to know Hannah's extended family. A week after the wedding my hubby, mother and I again traveled to Portland for dinner with Hannah's parents, and the joy of watching our kids open their gifts. We LOVE our new daughter--she's a commited Christian and fits into our family so beautifully.

During that same time period we decided to tackle our lawn project. As you know, we moved into our newly constructed home in early July and it's surrounded by DIRT, which will very soon become MUD! We brought in fill dirt from out of our nearby forest floor. While it's beautiful dirt for growing, it's also filled with tons of roots and branches, which all need to be raked out. After it's raked, we planted seed and are daily watering it, and coaxing the little blades to appear.

I've been putting in 2-3 hrs per day on marketing my book, The Other Daughter, which is very close to it's Oct. 30th release date. I've scheduled a book release party at our local library and will be speaking to a couple of large churches in the area about talking to their women's groups. News releases still need to be written, influencer lists finalized and...well, the list goes on.

Tomorrow I leave for five days for the big American Christian Fiction Writer's Conference in Dallas, Tx, and to say I'm excited is an under statement. I can't wait! I get to meet some of my favorite authors who will also be attending, take awesome workshops, socialize with hundreds of other writer's, and meet with two editors to promote my upcoming potential books I'm considering now.

We'll be home for 3 days, then my hubby and I will head to N. California. We'll be driving a rental moving truck and helping our son and his wife move. It's not a burden at all, we're looking forward to going, as it's our first chance to get away together in quite awhile. We plan on touring the Redwood forest while there, and spending a couple of days in a nice hotel getting some much needed R&R.

That brings me to the end of Sept., when I'll return and have a birthday party for our oldest daughter at our home. Oh, and did I mention the couple dozen pints of peaches I've canned, or the work I've been doing on my second book? No...oh well...there's other things I've forgotten too, but that's simply because my brain seems to be turning to mush.

Wait!!! One more thing! The online catalogue for Christian Book.com just came out, and my book is on page ONE...yes, page ONE of the "Hot off the Press" list! Wahoo! Not sure how that happened, but I'm thrilled! Also, I've gotten two very positive reviews so far.... BE SURE you pick up a Romantic Times Review magazine in early October...they come out around the 10th I think, and turn to the inspirational fiction section where you'll find a review. It's considered a very, very tough review magazine and getting a good review there is superb. Just a hint....I did!

That's it for now. I just took a quick, or not so quick, break from packing but better get back. And after typing all this I realized I did my nails about two hrs ago and I'm afraid to look at them now after pecking at these keys! Yikes! Good night all, and I may not have time to visit with you again, till I return.

The Devil and the Duck

Just a quick story tonight that has a lesson in it for all of us.

The Duck & the Devil

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.
He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.
He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target.
Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.
Just out of impulse, he Let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it.
He was shocked and grieved!
In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister watching!
Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.
After lunch the next day Grandma said, 'Sally, let's wash the dishes'
But Sally said, 'Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.'
Then she whispered to him, 'Remember the duck?'
So Johnny did the dishes.
Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, 'I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.'
Sally just smiled and said, 'Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help'
She whispered again, 'Remember the duck?'
So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.
After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's; he finally couldn't stand it any longer.
He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.
Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, 'Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.'

Thought for the day and every day thereafter?
Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done ... and the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) ... whatever it is ... you need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing. He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven.
He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.
The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness; He not only forgives you, but He forgets.
It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved.

Please Forgive Me!!!

Yikes! I'm blushing scarlet at how many days it's been since I've posted. I do have a good excuse that I'm hoping will be rectified sometime next week. I'm on dial up now, versus wonderful DSL that I used to have at our old house. Yes, we've moved to our new home...another reason I've been silent lately, as I've been trying to set up our new household rather than living indefinitely out of boxes...NOT a fun thing to do for long, as any of you can attest to, who've had the joy of moving!

We're supposed to be getting another line that will be dedicated just for the computer line, so I can stay online and not continually get bumped off with phone calls. My laptop does NOT like being bumped, and I have to completely reboot each time I want to dial up again, and half the time it won't close down properly. I know...time to take it in for a tune up, but I don't have time to deal with it right now! Arggg!!! Too many things to do, and not enough time to do them all.

To top it off, I'm heading to a writer's conference and will be gone all day Monday and Tuesday, so more time away from the computer. AND... my editor thinks he'd kind of like to see book 2 on his desk by mid October, if possible. Writing? I'm supposed to be writing? Yikes~!

OK, enough complaining...I have a houseful of church women coming for a luncheon and to help me celebrate moving to our new home, so need to get to bed. Then, a fun bridal shower to attend on Saturday for my new daughter in law to be (Hi Hannah!!!) and my birthday on Friday, if I can squeeze that in...and No, I don't think I'll share how old I am at the moment, LOL!

'Night all...I really do need to go to bed, as I'm getting a bit rummy here and don't want to start rambling. I really will get back to regular blogging soon, and put a few more great articles in on marriage.

Love you all, and keep the comments coming, I LOVE knowing when you've stopped by, even for a minute!

S.T.O.P.---4 Part Strategy--- Part Two

S.T.O.P.--A 4-Step Strategy for Handling Conflict Without Hurting Your Relationship

Examples of Overt Muscling:

· Demanding sex and/or obedience

· Controlling resources: $, freedom, time

· Using violence or threats to control partner

· Showing anger and contempt for partner in public (includes: attacks on character or appearance as well as acting as if partner is invisible)

· Shouting or intimidating with words or gestures (includes: sarcasm, mocking, finger-pointing, cornering, taunting,)

· Blaming, belittling, interrogating, name-calling

· Hammering a point to death

· Ganging up on partner by bringing in kids, in-laws, other allies.

· Excusing your bad behavior by blaming your partner for it: I wouldn’t drink if you weren’t so X .”

· Doing any of the above in front of your children

Examples of Covert Defiance:

· Withdrawing or Avoiding (includes: the garage, the kids, work, school, alcohol, etc.)

· Stonewalling (includes: the silent treatment, refusing to talk)

· Withholding affection, attention, tenderness, appreciation, sex· Making excuses for why you didn’t follow-through . . . again

· Making and breaking promises and agreements

· Procrastinating· Chronic “forgetting”: “Oops. . . You know how my memory is.”

· Chronic lateness· Chronic apologies without subsequent changes in behavior

· Flaunting your affection for others in front of your partner

· Lying or hiding the truth

· Bad-mouthing your partner to your children, friends, family

· Developing a social network that excludes your spouse

OWNING YOUR PART means that during your time out you take responsibility for calming yourself down and redirecting your energy away from attacking or defending toward understanding and caring for your relationship.

· Techniques for calming yourself down: going for a walk, taking a hot bath, listening to quiet music, writing in a journal.

· Questions to help you redirect your energy:

1. What negative behaviors from the lists above did I use?

2. How might those behaviors have contributed to the bad feelings my partner and I experienced?

3. What could I have done that would have been more helpful, more considerate, more kind?

4. Assuming that most people don’t attack or defend unless they’re feeling threatened, what vulnerable feelings were behind my anger and (or) defensiveness? (Examples: fear, guilt, embarrassment, sadness, hurt)

5. What vulnerable feelings might have been behind my partner’s behavior? (Examples: fear, guilt, embarrassment, sadness, hurt)After you’ve answered these questions and have a better understanding of what went wrong and what part you played, you’re ready for the last step:

PEACE OFFERING.

3. PEACE OFFERING! Assuming you’ve done all 3 previous steps, you should be ready to come back together and talk. Each of you should take a turn sharing what you learned about yourself from your time away.

This means owning your part, apologizing to your partner for the hurt you may have caused, and making a peace offering. A peace offering can be as simple as a hug or a kiss, or it can be a promise or an agreement to do something different. When both of you have completed this step, chances are you’ll be feeling lots better. Here’s an example of how this step might sound:

“At first, all I could see was what you did to make me mad, but when I went through the lists and saw: blaming, forgetting, and excusing--I realized that I played a part in what went wrong. I think I was attacking you because I was feeling guilty myself for forgetting to do X. Sorry. I know I let you down. Next time I can try to be more honest sooner, or I can at least stop blaming you before you’ve even had a chance to talk. I promise to do X by Friday.”

Sounds good, huh? You can do it, too. Practice the STOP strategy over and over until the steps are automatic. It takes lots of repetition, so hang in there! When you’ve got it down, try teaching it to your kids. If they’re too young to understand it, use the strategy in front of them. They’ll learn by example how to communicate lovingly and respectfully.

Author's Bio
Betsy Sansby, MS, LMFT is a licensed marriage & family therapist with over 20 years experience counseling individuals, couples, and families. She is also the coauthor—with her husband—of seven instructional books on hand-drumming and percussion, including their latest book for kids, Slap Happy. She is the creator of an ingenious communication tool for couples called: The Ouchkit: A First-Aid Kit for Your Relationship. Clients who have used the kit describe it as: “Marriage Counseling in a Box.” You can read her advice column “Ask Betsy” at: www.theouchkit.com.

S.T.O.P.-- A 4-Step Strategy for Handling Conflicts

S.T.O.P.-- A 4-Step Strategy for Handling Conflicts Without Hurting Your Relationship


By Betsy Sansby, MS


Brain researchers have found that when people are scared, hurt, or angry, they're physiologically incapable of thinking straight. Stress hormones flood the body and cause the rational part of the brain to shut down, and the irrational part to take over. That’s why angry people don’t talk to each other, they rant and rave--or work on their trucks.

The S.T.O.P. Strategy will help you calm down when you're upset, so you can gain perspective and reconnect from a better place. The best way to use it is to practice the four steps often, and to start using the strategy during a low-level conflict. That way, when things get really hot, you'll already know how to use it. Here are the four steps:


1. STOP! As soon as you notice yourself getting uncomfortable with the way your conversation is going, STOP! Then say: I need a time out. This tells your partner you need a break, without blaming her (him) for your discomfort.

2. TIME OUT. Time out means physically separating from each other in order to stop the hurt. It means going away for a short time (30-60 minutes) and coming back after both of you have calmed down and have completed Step 3: OWN YOUR PART.


· Brain researchers have found that once the heart is beating 95 bpm or above, the thinking brain (neocortex) shuts down and the emotional brain (amygdala) takes over. This means it does no good to keep arguing when you’re both upset, because the reasonable part of your brain is no longer listening.

John Gottman’s research on marital satisfaction found that couples who disengage when things start heating up, and try again after both people are calmer, stay together and report greater satisfaction in their relationships.

3. OWN YOUR PART. This means taking responsibility for your part in creating the problem. It means calming yourself down, analyzing your behavior, and redirecting your energy away from attacking or defending.
Most people believe they’ve won if they’ve gotten their spouse to do things their way. Don’t mistake submission for devotion, or obedience for love.
Every act of overt muscling by one partner leads to 2 equally powerful acts of covert defiance by the other!

Examples and step four on the next post, so tune in again!

We've Moved To Our New House!!!

Finally!!! We've spent several nights at our new house now, but are still getting moved in. We have a lot of clean up and some misc items to pack at the old house, as well as a few pieces of furniture to move.

I'll get back to my regular schedule of posting here 2-3 times per week as soon as we finish the last details. We got our washer and dryer hooked up this week end and moved my three kitties today. Whew! They are NOT happy campers, LOL! They'll stay locked in our garage for the next couple of days until they adjust and realize this is home.

Tom is still huddled in the big carrier, refusing to come out. Smoke is wandering around exploring after just an hour, and Jerry is huddled behind a lumber pile growling at anything that comes close.

I'm posting pictures of the interior of the house tomorrow (without furniture, as I haven't taken new ones yet) so you can see what we've been working on. Please check back again in a few days, I'll start my blogs up again on marriage and family issues soon.

Wow!!! 35 Years Together Today!

Today is our 35th anniversary and yes, we got married when we were just babies, LOL!

This is the only snapshot I have on my computer of our wedding, I need to ge the professional ones transferred.

Actually, I did marry young and it's miraculous our marriage held together through all the ups and downs and immaturity we both brought into it. Two babes getting married without a clue what sacrifice really meant. God is faithful, though, and He's brought us through so much. I give Him all the glory for making it this far and with His help, and the love and deep commitment to each other, I'm trusting God for another 35!!!

Miralee's Book Goes To The Movies??? Maybe!

Let's just say I'm a little bit excited and maybe you can imagine what that means, after you read on.....

My agent got a call from the major motion picture studio (which has to remain unnamed for now, but trust me, you'd know it if you heard it...) that had expressed an interest in reading my manuscript a couple of months ago.

The rep read it and really liked it...in fact, she stated that it was an inspiring read, she loved the characters and the plot....BUT (and we expected this) it has too strong of faith elements for their company. It needs to be a family movie, as it would be produced by the family division of this company, but not explicitly Christian, as it is now.

My agent and I discussed it and told her we understood where she's coming from. The book was written for a Christian audience and publishing house, not a secular studio. We're in agreement that the book can be changed to reflect strong family values, and the faith element softened. My publisher is open to the idea, as long as all the faith elements aren't removed and we're able to see the transition that the main character makes in her personal life. I agree with him.

The studio rep said she's willing to take a look at it again, as she really liked the story, IF I'd be willing to do a complete summary of the entire book, showing what changes I'm willing to make and how the story line would run if the faith elements were softened or downplayed. I spent a number of hours getting that worked up for her, and now we're waiting for the okay from my publisher, before sending it along to the studio rep.

Any and all prayers would be appreciated! I feel this could be a wonderful ministry opportunity to the unchurched. So many Christian movies, while excellent, don't reach people who aren't Christians. Many unsaved people will watch a family movie, and a few of them may go buy the book after seeing it's based on a book....THEN get hit with the full faith message.

Please pray that God will give the book revisions (the book will stay just the same, only the movie script of the book would change) FAVOR in my publishers eyes and in the studio rep's eyes, IF He wants it to be a movie. It's for His glory, not mine. This is NOT something I ever looked for or expected, so it's not going to be a disappointment if it doesn't work out...but I do feel it has tremendous potential for the Kingdom, if it does!