Dealing with Change...Your Spouse and Their Dreams

I talked about personal change or the curves that life throws at you last time we chatted, but how about change that comes from those closest to you?

I don't know about you, but I've found that to be some of my most challenging moments. When someone who knows me better than anyone else tries to rock my 'life' boat with change, my hackles tend to raise a little faster than if it's just an acquaintance, or even a friend.

I've experienced this a number of times in my life. My husband, Allen, is someone who does NOT like life to be stagnant, and thrives on change. He's the man who's refurbishing our 51' sail boat so we can start traveling extensively, and he's stated he doesn't care if we 'never come back', LOL! Now I enjoy traveling, and sailing is fun, but I also very much enjoy my home, my yard, my kitties and my extended family. Oh...and somehow I don't think my horse is going to fit on the boat.

So what happens when two desires and two sets of goals clash? Does one have to give up their dream or their desire completely, and give way to the other? Not necessarily, although I'm sure we've all done that to one degree or another. That's where we begin to find out what our marriage is really made of. Are we willing to compromise and give for the sake of the other?

I know my hubby won't demand that I live on our boat forever, but nor should I demand that we only take it out for 2-3 weeks at a time, when he's longing to go for months. We'll both need to give to some degree, and I might just have to bend a little more than him, as I can easily take my laptop aboard, still do my writing, and keep in touch with my family by phone and email. We're not getting any younger, and I have to remind myself that we won't be physically able to handle a large sail boat in say, 15 more years. Once out legs get a bit wobbly, or our site isn't as sharp (you get my meaning...we get OLD, LOL!) I'll have plenty of time to curl up in my comfy house.

Do you have an area in your marriage where you find yourself in disagreement with your spouse on a regular basis. Are your goals and dreams in constant conflict? Ask the Lord to give you insight into your loved one's heart...that you might begin to see life through their eyes, and ask that He do the same thing for them, with you. Try to put yourself in their place, and at least for a time, believe in their dreams and help to attain them. Believe me, the rewards might far exceed what you expect!!!

Life Decisions Can Be Hard

Change. It's a word that can generate anticipation, fear, anxiety and excitement, to name a few. Life is never constant, but always seems to be in a perpetual state of flux and change. Sometimes it's emotionally satisfying, sometimes it's stressful. Thankfully, if you're a child of God and trusting in Jesus, you can know that He is in control of each change that life throws at you.

We've been struggling to make a decision the past couple of months concerning our new home, and the old one that hasn't sold. We realize now that we jumped the gun on building the new one. We listed the old house when the market was still somewhat strong, but just starting to soften. It didn't sell quickly, and we were already obligated to the construction loan on the new one. It was too late to back out, so we built, doing much of the finish work ourselves, and gaining a tremendous amount of equity. Plus, we'd owned the property for 4 yrs, and the land value had increased to over double what we paid.

We've been faced with a hard decision the past couple of months. Continue to try to sell the old house, or put the new one on the market. My hubby and I both loved the old house, and had done a lot of remodeling and yard work during the four years we lived there. The new house is lovely, truly my dream house, but it's huge. We overbuilt, and are now realizing what a big job it is to keep up with. Our grown kids have been urging us to sell, asking if we really want a house this big for the next 20 yrs...we're not getting any younger. The answer? Not unless I could hire a maid and a landscaper, and that's not an option right now. My hubby has never connected with this house emotionally and misses the old one.

A month ago we put the new house on the market, but I've still been struggling with letting it go. Yesterday we spent a couple of hours at the new house, starting to lay Travertine on the laundry room floor. Today, our daughter and her hubby came to help. The men worked on the tile, and she and I did yard work. And you know what? It felt like I was home. Truly home. I've poured so much time and energy into that yard, and it was starting to come together when we moved. Allen has promised me a brand new kitchen (we have the old 1950's metal cabinets in there now) if we sell the new house and move back, and we're going to replace a few other things inside, as well. The house is a 100 yr old Craftsman/Victorian style, with charm and character, and is SO homey. The updates we'll do will make it even more so.

I must admit, I'm beginning to feel a sense of excitement and joy about the possibility of moving "home" again. Will I miss the new house? Probably for a while. Will I love the feeling of freedom that selling it will bring? You bet! We'll have enough money to pay the new one off, and completely pay off the mortgage on the old one, as well. Mortgage free in 2008...a new beginning...that's our goal this year.

God is good. He didn't allow our old house to sell, and helped us build a large amount of equity in this new one. We'll get to return home to a house we loved, that will be remodeled, updated, and PAID FOR! It doesn't get much better than that!

The Wooden Bowl--A Life Lesson For Us All

This is a powerful little story that illustrates the need for acceptance and love, regardless of how well a person is able to perform.

The Wooden Bowl

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year - old grandson.

The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and

failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.

When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
'We must do something about father,' said the son.

'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.

There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.

Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.

Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.

He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?'

Just as sweetly, the boy responded,

'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.'
The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words struck the parents so that they were speechless.

Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.

Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,

neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

A Pre-Easter Story

Why did Jesus fold the linen burial cloth after His Resurrection?


The Gospel of John (20: 7) tells us that the napkin, which was placed over the face of Jesus, and wasn't just thrown aside like the grave clothes. The Bible takes an entire verse to tell us that the napkin was neatly folded, and was placed at the head of that stony coffin.

Is that important? You'd better believe it! Is that significant? Absolutely! Is it really significant? Yes!

In order to understand the significance of the folded napkin, you have to understand a little bit about Hebrew tradition of that day.

The folded napkin had to do with the Master and Servant, and every Jewish boy knew this tradition. When the servant set the dinner table for the master, he made sure that it was exactly the way the master wanted it. The table was furnished perfectly, and then the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished eating, and the servant would not dare touch that table, until the master was finished.

Now if the master had finished eating, he would rise from the table, wipe his fingers, his mouth, and clean his beard, and would wad up that napkin and toss it onto the table. The servant would then know to clear the table. For in those days, the wadded napkin meant, "I'm done." But if the master got up from the table, and folded his napkin and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not dare touch the table, because he knew the folded napkin meant, "I'm not finished yet." The folded napkin meant, "I'm coming back!".


May this truly bless you and give you peace...............
Life is Short, Live for God!!!

I'm Tired of Being Over Weight!!! It's Time to LOSE!!!!!!

I tried to find a pic of me taken recently that I could post, and can't find one. Guess I'll have to get brave and have my hubby take one. I gained 8 lbs over the Christmas holidays and was 20 lbs overweight to begin with. No, my profile pic doesn't look like it, but I don't show it in my face. Most of my excess goes to my midriff, LOL!


Sooo....I've decided to do what I've done before, go on a weight loss program. But this time is different. This time I have a PLAN!!! Rather than just try to be good and stay away from 'bad' food, I'm using the weight watchers diet. My goal is to lose 20 lbs total by our anniversary on July 1st.


I'm following the WW plan on my own, rather than joining a group. I don't have the time to spare for meetings, and found the quiz on line that tells how many daily food points I'm allowed. I also have the many pages of foods they list, with the food points allotted to each. I know that I can eat no more than 20 total food points per day if I hope to lose weight. I'm also doing a min. of 20 minutes aerobic exercise 3-4 times a week, which isn't too intimidating.


I started last Tuesday, one week ago, and have now lost 4.5 lbs!!! Yes, it may be mostly water loss, but it sure beats putting on 4 lbs. And recently, the scale has been doing nothing but creep up each week. That means I have 16 lbs. to go, which translates to less than 1 lb per week. From what I've been told, this diet (combined with some type of mild exercise plan) will cause you to lose 1.5 to 2 lbs per week...possibly more, depending on the amount you need to lose. I'm assuming the weight loss will get substantially less as I go along, but if I even lose 1.25 lbs more in the weeks to follw per week, I could potentially lose another 25 lbs!


Why am I sharing this, you might ask? ACCOUNTABILITY!!! I figure posting it on the internet where anyone can see it, makes me just a bit more apt to follow through, then if I didn't tell anyone at all.


So...you want to join me? If you'd like the link for the site that lists the food points, and the chart that tells you how many points you can eat, leave a comment on this post, with your email addy where I can send it to you. And if you want to help hold me accountable and I'll do the same for you if YOU want to try this plan, let me know that as well. I can use all the help I can get, and I'd love to do the same for you!!!!

I'll keep you posted on how I do!!!

Are Your Expectations Too High?

Valentine's Day is coming...believe it or not, it's just two weeks away. It doesn't seem possible, but time is flying by.

I don't know about you, but this used to be a day I did NOT look forward to. My hubby is not a romantic and for years did little on Valentine's Day. In fact, if I didn't remind him ahead of time, my birthday and our anniversary often got either overlooked, or was a last minute rush to find something to make me happy.

The title of this post can be applied to any holiday where you have a need to feel special and have your spouse or boyfriend/girl friend (depending on your gender) remember you.

How high are your expectations? Are they such that no matter what he does, you're going to be disappointed because it didn't quite measure up? Are you setting yourself up to be let down? Or can you be content with what he does, and say a simple, heartfelt 'thank you' if he does anything at all?

This is the place I finally came to, as getting upset and disappointed that he wasn't putting out the effort I felt he should, only brought continued stress and division. Holidays and birthdays became a mini war zone, or at least a day to retreat into my quiet space and try to pretend everything was 'fine'. I'm not great at hiding my emotions, though...and that rarely worked. My hubby got the idea fairly quickly and division and hurt ensued... the problem is, he didn't MEAN to neglect me, he just doesn't have a strong understanding of what romance means to me.

Over the years, he's gotten better and now (after 35 yrs of marriage) I can pretty much count on dinner out or flowers, or both. No, he's never planned a romantic evening with reservations, a hotel get away, or special gifts planned far in advance...but I've also learned to be thankful for the bouquet he brings home, or the dinner he takes me to, even when it's to a place we might frequent often. You see, I've learned to not set myself up for disappointment. He is who he is, and I've learned to accept that. I've learned to say thank you, I love you, I appreciate you, when he puts out any effort at all. And you know what? It's reaping rewards. When I make a big deal out of the little things he does, he seems to want to do more.

The bible says "give and it shall be given back to you, pressed down, running over..." And I think this applies to our husbands as well. If we give them affirmation, adoration and appreciation, they'll be hungry for more. If we give them disappointment, anger and recriminations, that too will come back to us. It will come back pressed down and running over.

So it's your choice....what do you want to have come back to you this Valentine's Day? Anger or joy?

When Two People Say It...You Listen!

The Bible talks about listening to the counsel of others, and where two or three witnesses testify to something. Now I'm not talking about listening to gossip or well meaning friends trying to talk you into buying a new dress, LOL! I'm talking about listening when you believe someone with wisdom in a given area makes a suggestion and shortly after, another person states the same thing... with no prior knowledge of the counsel already given.

I had that happen this past week, in two different areas, but both have to do with book marketing, to some degree. But more importantly, with an area of ministry that's always tugged at my heart.

I've felt for a number of years that I'm supposed to be speaking and ministering to women beyond what I've been doing. I've led small groups, taught Bible studies and prayer groups, headed up committees and even spoken at our church when our pastor was absent. But I've not spoken specifically at women's groups as the featured speaker.

A few days ago my agent suggested it was time I consider putting out feelers and let churches and groups know I'm available to speak. The following day I spent an hour on the phone with a professional marketing consultant. We don't know one another personally, but after chatting for about 40 minutes she urged me to consider a speaking ministry.

Ministry you say? Wouldn't I just be trying to tout my book and writing career? No, absolutely not. Of course name recognition is important to book sales, but I'm talking about speaking to women's hearts about issues that are important to them. My first book deals with marriage and family issues--some of which I've lived personally. Being unequally yoked with a spouse who isn't a believer, having an unexpected child come into your life that belongs to you spouse and dealing with the resultant fall-out. Dealing with emotions as a direct result of both of these issues.

My second book deals with loss....How many of us have lost material things and found that when we did, our world turned upside down? How many of us at least know of someone who lost their job, their home, their credit rating, if not more? Can you relate to that type of loss and are you able to speak into people's lives who've experienced the same? I have and I can. We've been close to bankruptcy more than once in our early years of marriage, had to voluntarily turn a car back to a bank, lost jobs, had to walk away from a business because of a huge tax liability, and the list goes on. We've experienced laying awake at night from stress and wondering how we'd keep the electricity on after the phone was turned off.

Fiction is relevant and speaks to our lives. So many people believe that fiction, even Christian fiction, is a waste of time and has little or no place in a Christian's busy time schedule....either in reading, or writing. I beg to differ. Some of the most profound truths have hit me through a book of fiction. When my marriage was struggling it was a book of fiction that impacted me and spoke to my heart. Of course, so did many non-fiction books, but I've had a number of fiction books speak into my life over the years.

How about you? Is there a work of fiction that's touched your life? Leave a comment and tell us the title and what it was that ministered to you!

Trying to Catch UP!!

Where do the days go???

I can't believe I've allowed almost two weeks to pass without blogging. I tried getting into my blog to catch up with you all a few days ago and couldn't get in. Then life got in the way and the days blasted past at lightening speed.

So here I am, sitting in my easy chair on a Sunday afternoon, still in my pj's and bathrobe, having stayed home from church with some form of vertigo. The room occasionally goes into spin mode, and I feel like I'm in the center of a clothes dryer as the walls tumble around me. It doesn't seem to matter if I'm sitting, lying down, or walking around, it hits periodically with no warning. Very disconcerting to say the least. I thought it might be a tad bit embarrassing to attend church and fall on my rear on the way to my seat. I just hold on to walls and chair backs here, and stay in my easy chair most of the time.

We've spent the last two weeks running around like crazy finishing a ton of small detail work in our new home so we can get it on the market. Fourteen realtors did a walk through on Wednesday morning to preview it, and it hit the multiple listing on the internet on Friday. We're trying to remain open to what the Lord would have us do. Our old home hasn't sold and we don't want to continue to pay two mortgages. It seems that the housing slump hasn't hit the high end houses as hard as the mid line ones, so this one might have a better chance of selling. We have a large amount of equity in the new one, which would allow us to pay it off as well as the old one, and be mortgage free, something we've never experienced before. I love this house and had hoped to live it in the rest of my life, but I also like the idea of being out of debt.

God knows what's best for us, and we're leaving it to Him.

Prayers You Can Pray For the New Year

Here are a few prayers that a friend posted on a group that I belong to. I hope some of the scriptures and suggestions are a blessing.

Pray daily for:

1. A deeper understanding of my value and worth before God.

Ephesians 1:3-4; Psalm 139:1-18

2. Caring Christian friendships and involvement in Christian community. (In

our case, especially with other Christian writers.)

Hebrews 10:25; Proverbs 27:8-10, 17

3. Opportunities to share Christ through my words (both spoken and written)

and actions.

Matthew 25:34-40; Matthew 28:18-20

4. Strength to stand firm in the face of temptation. (Especially the

temptation to quit writing.) 1 Corinthians 10:13; Matthew 6:13

5. Greater understanding of what it means to be loved by God and to love

others.

Philippians 1:9-11; Romans 8:38-39

6. Integrity and honesty.

Proverbs 28:13; Psalm 101:2b-3

7. Humility to admit my sins and ask for forgiveness. Proverbs 28:13; Acts 3:19

8. Wisdom in my daily life and actions. (And in the words I write.)

James 1:5; Psalm 25:4-5

9. A sense of God's calling and purpose in my life. (Especially my writing

life.)

Ephesians 4:1-3; Ephesians 1:11-12

10.Gratitude in all things.

Colossians 3:15-17; 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Whose Birthday Is It???

Christmas is almost upon us, the most joyous time of the year.... Or is it?

For many, it's just a season filled with stress, financial trouble, or loneliness. For others it's a time to visit with friends and family, bake, buy gifts or hope for some new blessing in their life.

What does it mean to you?

In this age of commercialism, are you making the time to celebrate the birthday of our Lord? It's so easy to allow the days to fly by and be swamped with all the chores required by Christmas. Baking, mailing cards, buying gifts, decorating the tree, helping children with programs...all these are good in themselves, but what will really bring the peace and joy to your heart and your family?

Let me make a small suggestion. When you wake up each morning between now and Christmas, don't jump out of bed and hit the floor running...no matter how many chores are begging to be done. Lay in bed another five minutes, and give time to the Lord. Let the awe of Christmas fill your heart and the joy of our Saviour minister to your spirit. Don't beat yourself up for not taking an hour with your Bible & prayer. Do what you're able to do, but make sure your priorities put Him first in your day.... After all....

Whose Birthday Is it, Anyway?

Merry Christmas to all, and Happy Birthday to you, Jesus!