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Friday, December 8, 2006

Conflict In Marriage

When I was a young wife, I really struggled with letting go of my husband. I didn't have much training or support from other older women, and made a lot of mistakes.

One of the biggest lay in the area of needing to know where he was and what he was doing, if he wasn't with me.

I think the troubles we had in our early years made me insecure about his love and desire to spend time with me. That insecurity drove me, quite literally. And the more driven I became the more he ran the other direction. He felt smothered, controlled and that I was constantly checking up on him. He thought I didn't trust him, and consequently, began to do things to evade me, even to the point of having other tell me he wasn't somewhere, when we was. My calling & trying to track him down was a source of embarrassment to him around the guys and I'm sure he took a lot of ribbing about his wife.

In my defense, he was staying out late, often times drinking with buddies, and rarely, if ever, calling to let me know he was ok. I'm talking not hearing from him, from the time I knew he was off work, till he walked in the door in the wee hours of the morning.

It seemed we were in an ever increasing circle that didn't appear to have a way out. It wasn't pretty and the only thing that kept us together was truly being in love with one another when we married and a stubborness on my part where the subject of divorce was concerned. It wasn't an option in my mind and I was determined to hang on and someday see Allen serving the Lord. Unfortunately, I didn't realize my actions were driving him farther away, rather than drawing him closer.

I'll share more tomorrow on something the Lord showed me, that helped me start to slowly turn this behavior around. Join me then!

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