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Saturday, April 28, 2007

16 Ways to Open the Door to Your Husband's Heart

16 Ways to Open the Door to Your Husband's Heart

From the book "When He doesn't Believe" by Nancy Kennedy

1. Go to his softball games (or whatever he's interested in) and pay attention.

2. Tell him often that what he does at work is important to you.

3. Never belittle or trivialize his work.

4. Ask questions about his job. Learn what he does.

5. Determine what your husband does well and provide opportunities for him to perform and succeed. Ask him if he would: glue a chair leg, move furniture, change a doorknob, plan a trip, etc.

6. Say thank you often.

7. Watch your interactions with other men and avoid situations that could be misinterpreted.

8. Ask his advice and then take it. If you're not willing to do that, it's better not to ask in the first place.

9. Ask for his help.

10. Build him up in front of your kids.

11. Never correct him in public.

12. Dream with him, even if you think his dreams are far-fetched. That's what makes them dreams.

13. Touch him often, especially when you're listening to him talk.

14. Be loyal.

15. Enjoy sex.

16. Pray and ask God for creative ways to affirm your husband's unique maleness. Then go and do it.

Friend, if your husband is going through a time of midlife darkness, know that even in this, even when it looks bleakest, God is still able to give you everything you need to get through this trial and to equip you to be a minister of his grace to your spouse. This is the time to know the best thing - perhaps the only thing - you can do is crawl up on the Father's lap and let him hold you as you cry tears of confusion and helplessness for your beloved.

Stay close to the Lord, read up on the subject, get counseling for yourself, and pray like crazy for that man of yours as you give him time and space to work things through. By now you know that a wise woman knows that it's God and God alone who does it all. He's the one who draws her husband to himself, in his time, in his way, utterly and completely. And as she allows her husband to discover the claims of Christ for himself, when the time comes that he senses the irresistible grace of God beckoning him, it won't be just lip service, but a genuine heart change. It's the way men are. It's the way God works.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Six Marriage Killing Lies

6 Marriage Killing Lies

From the book "The Lies We Believe" by Dr. Chris Thurman

1. It's All Your Fault.- Secular Truth: It takes two to tango. Marriage problems are rarely one person's fault.-

Theological Truth: Romans 2:1: You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

2. If It Takes Hard Work, We Must Not Be Right for Each Other.- Secular Truth: Hard work in marriage is the norm, not the exception. It means you and your partner need each other's help to work out personality flaws and weaknesses.

- Theological Truth: 1 Corinthians 7:28b: But those who marry will face many troubles in this life.

3. You Can and Should Meet All My Needs. - Secular Truth: No one person can meet all your needs. Your needs can best be met through a variety of sources. -

Theological Truth: Philippians 4:19: And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

4. You Owe Me. - Secular Truth: Your spouse doesn't really "owe" you anything for what you do. You do what you do because, at some level, you choose to do it. You aren't owed anything for what you choose to do.-

Theological Truth: 1 Peter 5:5b: Clothe yourselves with humility because "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

5. I Shouldn't Have to Change.- Secular Truth: Marriage requires change. People who refuse to change, stagnate themselves and their marriages. The important issue is deciding what we need to change about ourselves and what we don't.-

Theological Truth: Hebrews 12:14a: Make every effort to live in peace with all and to be holy.

6. You Should Be Like Me.- Secular Truth: Every person is unique and can't be a carbon copy of anyone else. It would be boring if it weren't that way.-

Theological Truth: 1 Corinthians 12:18-19: But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as He wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Ten Things Guys Wish Women Knew...Part 2

If you missed the first half of this article, please scroll down just a bit and you'll find the first 5 points of 10 things guys wish women knew about them.

This is the final installment...I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

6. Sex means more than sex. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life.

The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative affect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!

7. Men struggle with visual temptation. This means the vast majority of men respond to visual images when it comes to women. And, this doesn't just mean the guys with wandering eyes. Even the most godly husband cannot avoid noticing a woman who dresses in a way that draws attention to her body.

Even if it is just a glance, these visual images are stored away in the male brain as a sort of "visual rolodex" that will reappear without any warning. Men can choose whether to dwell on these images and memories or dismiss them, but they can't control when these images appear.

8. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic. True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn't mean that they want to be that way! Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands' confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like.

For example, a wife may balk when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it's likely that he's asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What's not romantic about that?

9. Men care about their wife's appearance. This isn't saying that all men want their wives to look like the latest supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves (and not letting themselves go) because it matters to them (the husbands!). Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness.

10. Men want their wives to know how much they love them. This was the number one response of men. Men aren't confident in their ability to express this, but they love their wives dearly. Men want to show how much they love their wives and long for them to understand this fact.

Copyright © 2006 Jim Burns, Used with permission. Read more from Jim at homeword.comIn response to the overwhelming needs of parents and families, Jim Burns founded HomeWord (formerly YouthBuilders) in 1985. HomeWord is a Christian organization designed to provide assistance to adults worldwide as they help young people make wise decisions and lead positive, vibrant, Christian lifestyles. Multiplication and Leverage: While absolutely committed to young people, HomeWord equips parents, grandparents and youth leaders; those who daily reach out to kids. By equipping adults, and leveraging those adults to reach kids, HomeWord reaches more young people more cost effectively. Read more at

Sunday, April 15, 2007

10 Things Guys Wish Women Knew about Men

10 Things Guys Wish Women Knew about Men
By Jim Burns

It is likely no surprise to you that God has wired women and men differently. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight.

Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author and speaker recently wrote a fantastic book, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. In it, she recounts the surprising truths she learned about men after interviewing more than one thousand of them. Not long ago, Jim Burns had the opportunity to interview Shaunti for his radio broadcast, HomeWord with Jim Burns. In their discussion, they spoke about ten things guys wish women knew about men

1. Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Shaunti Feldhahn's research indicated that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them.

2. A man's anger is often a response to feeling disrespected by his wife. When a husband becomes angry with his wife, he may not come out and say, "You're disrespecting me!" But, there is a good likelihood that he is feeling stung by something his wife has done which he considers disrespectful and humiliating.

3. Men are insecure. Men are afraid that they aren't cutting it in life -- not just at work, but at home, in their role as a husband. They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Affirmation. To men, affirmation from their wives is everything! If they don't receive this affirmation from their wives, they'll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their wives (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.

4. Men feel the burden of being the provider for their family. Intellectually, it doesn't matter how much or little a man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men simply bear the emotional burden of providing for their family. It's not a burden they've chosen to bear. Men are simply wired with this burden. As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. While wives cannot release their husbands from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement and support.

5. Men want more sex. Everyone's natural response to this is probably, "Duh!" But, that response is probably for the wrong reason. We primarily assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring (their "needs"). But, surprisingly, Shaunti Feldhahn's research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Men simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man's sense of feeling loved and desired.

The next five points will be added on my next post, so stand by for more!

Copyright © 2006 Jim Burns, Used with permission. Read more from Jim at homeword.comIn response to the overwhelming needs of parents and families, Jim Burns founded HomeWord (formerly YouthBuilders) in 1985. HomeWord is a Christian organization designed to provide assistance to adults worldwide as they help young people make wise decisions and lead positive, vibrant, Christian lifestyles.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Letting Your Husband Know You're Proud Of Him, Part Two

I'm finishing up this subject today, and either Friday or Saturday I'll post a new one, on Ten Things Your Husband Wishes You Knew About sure to check back ladies, it's a good one!
Letting Your Husband Know You're Proud of Him by Sabrina Beasley

6. Resolve conflicts in private...and avoid body language that undermines your husband in public. We all get upset with our husbands at times; that's part of marriage. But don't drag it out in front of others. Your friends won't see you make up later, and they'll be left with a lasting impression of a wife's disrespect for her husband.

I've been guilty of this, most often when bitterness from an earlier dispute carries over into our plans with friends that evening. When I consider my heart, I find that instead of love, my motive for huffiness is revenge, and deep down inside I hope to hurt him like he's hurt me. So I might roll my eyes at something he says, or elbow him, or put on a look of disbelief. Body language like this quietly undermines your husband in front of others. He may not know what you're trying to say, but he'll read it to mean, "I'm not proud of you, and I don't respect you."

7. Take his side. There's no one that's easier for a wife to pick on than her husband. You are all too familiar with his annoying little habits, and the areas where he needs improvement. But when others start to pick on him, take his side. The jokes might seem innocent, but if you make fun of your husband publicly, you are choosing to degrade him when you could esteem him.

The next time your husband is the brunt of teasing, stick up for him by talking about his good qualities and abilities. You don't have to act offended, but instead act proud of who he is and what he has accomplished. As a result, you will show your honey that even when you are given a choice you still choose to give him the respect that he deserves.

8. Cheer him on. Have you ever wondered why there are cheerleaders at a football game? They aren't helping the players throw the ball, run faster, or play smarter, but their job is just as important. They encourage the players by letting them know that someone believes they can win. Husbands need cheerleaders, too. They don't need someone to fix their problems for them or even tell them how to do things. As a matter of fact, to try to fix their problems can insult their masculinity. What they need are wives who believe in them.

A great example of this kind of cheerleading comes from Meredith White of Longview, Tex. When her husband, Faber, was going through medical school and working long hours, Meredith knew he was struggling just to make it through each day. So she started "What's it Wednesdays" and would plan a weekly gift or surprise for her sweetheart. "Every week I looked forward to Wednesdays for that reason," Faber says. " It definitely helped me through a particularly hard time in my schooling."

9. Be interested in his projects. Every man I know has a passion for something, from watching sports to putting together model airplanes. My husband likes to play Fantasy Football from August to February. I have to admit there are times when I force myself to keep from rolling my eyes at the mention of the word "football" because I want him to know that I support his desire to fellowship with his friends and take part in clean sportsmanship. This all boils down to starting a conversation with your husband.

If he is busy researching in his office, sit down and ask him about his newest venture. "What are you working on, Sweetheart?" is a good way to begin. He may give you a short, non-descriptive answer like "Oh, just some stuff for Fantasy Football." Then that's your cue to start asking questions. Ask him how he's been playing, how he plans to improve, and don't forget to end with an encouraging word about how, "he's going to blow them all away at the finals this year."

10. Teach your children to respect him. It's easy to openly criticize your husband in front of your children, but when was the last time you boasted about him instead? Your words of admiration will not only make your children feel more secure as they witness their parents' love, it will also encourage them to speak as highly of their father as you do. In addition, when your kids, particularly as teenagers, make comments that disrespect their father, be sure to let them know that such speech is unacceptable. This is important for the unity of your marriage. And when your husband hears about your comments, he will feel a renewed sense of appreciation for a wife who demands his respect.

Taken from the September 2005 issue of The Family Room, FamilyLife's online magazine. Copyright© 2005. All rights reserved. Used by permission

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Letting Your Husband Know You're Proud of Him

If it has been a while since you've shown your husband that you're proud of him, don't let another day go by without communicating your admiration. Here are ten suggestions to help.

Just say it. Those five little words, "I'm so proud of you" are sometimes difficult to spit out, especially if it has been a while since you've said them. They may feel awkward at first, even "cheesy," but once you begin, this little phrase won't seem so strange anymore. But don't just leave it at "I'm proud of you." Tell him why: "I'm so proud of you for spending time with our son. That means a lot to him and to me."

2. Brag about him
to others. If you have children, you already have plenty of bragging practice. If little Suzie wins the county spelling bee, you put her trophy in a place of honor and tout that your little girl is a genius. But we wives often forget that our husbands crave the same type of praise.

Did you show off the new paint job he did in the bathroom? Did you buy a frame for the certificate he received at work? Have you shown your friends the lawn or garden he nurtured all summer? While bragging to others, don't forget to include his parents. Not only will they feel proud to know that their son is a great husband, but they will also feel encouraged that his wife recognizes it.

Dream with him. Early in our marriage, my husband would often tell me of his visions of entrepreneurship. I'll never forget when he told me about his plans to build a hotdog stand. He even had a name picked out and a logo developed. He also had several other business ideas in mind, like a coupon book and a local magazine—he thought they were ingenious ideas that were eventually going to make him rich, rich, rich! Of course, all I could see was my security flying out of the door.

But then my mother's voice called back in my mind, echoing her premarital advice, "Remember to dream with him." Men often enjoy dreaming about the future, even when it's not currently possible, while women tend to think in the present, counting costs, roadblocks, and impossibilities. I used to think that if I allowed David to dream that I was non-verbally giving my permission for him to begin. In reality, I've found that the opposite is true. He actually begins to see the practical side of things for himself.

Listen to your husband when he tells stories in public...and don't correct him! Have you ever been at a friend's house when your husband tells a story wrong? He may get most of it right, but he leaves out some interesting sideline or he gets the person's name wrong. The standard response is, "No, that's not the way it went. Here, let me tell it." And then he's left looking like a moron in front of your friends.

Let me challenge you to stop disagreeing with your husband on the little things. There may be times when he gets some details wrong, but no one is taking score about who gets the fine points right most of the time.

Look him in the eyes and smile. Just the way you look and react to your husband can give the impression that you are honored to be his wife. Think about what it would mean to him if you stopped what you were doing, looked him in the eyes, listened and smiled. This action sends the message, "It pleases me to spend undistracted time with you and to hear what's going on in your life."

Looks like I'll make this in three posts, rather than the last one will be in a day or two. Take care and don't forget to hug your husband tonight!

By Sabrina Beasley

Taken from the September 2005 issue of The Family Room, FamilyLife's online magazine. Copyright© 2005. All rights reserved. Used by permission

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