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Sunday, October 7, 2007

The Generous Wife

Hi everyone and I hope you're having a restful Sunday. This past week I've been playing catch up from an incredibly busy September and pushing to finish my second book, the sequel to The Other Daughter.

I've not had the time I like to take in adding new marriage articles the past few weeks, but found something recently that I think will bless you. I know it did me. I've mentioned before that I'm on an email list for a daily dose of helpful hints from a site called "The Generous Wife". Below is one of the posts that I received, and was a hint sent by one of the readers and used by the site owner.

Here's an interesting tip that I received from a generous wife (thanks, Rebecca!)

A while back I realized that I didn't know my husband as well as I wanted to. I didn't know what my most important jobs were to him, what really made him feel special, what made him feel uncomfortable, etc. So I decided to pick his brain. I typed up on separate lines things that I thought were important that I do on a range of topics. Here are some examples:

Keeping clutter down
Speaking well of you in front of others
Being on time
Greeting you when you come home
Asking for advice
Discussing spiritual things
Having breakfast with you before you go to work
Scheduling time out of the house so you can have some solitude[and] some intimate topics [as well]
On and on, I think I had between 50-75 things.

I printed the papers and cut them into strips.

Last night we went through them all. Categorized them into similar topics, and then it started. He explained his feelings on each item, and to my amazement I saw how little I knew my husband.

He put things in categories like "important, please continue - or please improve", "makes me uncomfortable", "really nice, but not necessary", "non-issues, it doesn't make a difference" etc.

Now I know where to put my energy and effort. Things that I thought he would enjoy - like public verbal praise, really made him feel uncomfortable.

Me greeting him at the door made him feel attacked sometimes, and guilty that I was dropping everything for him.

Me spending time with him at breakfast was difficult because he's in "get ready for work" mode and not "lets sit and talk at breakfast" mode.

It was eye opening and I feel so much closer to him. It gave him the opportunity to express frustrations he had because certain needs weren't being met, and also allowed me to do the same.

Now I understand more than ever my husband and see how incorrect I was in so many areas, and it only took about 2 hours. I can be a better wife, now - and he wants to be a better husband. Areas that I was afraid to ask about are now open topics. I think it was the best thing I've ever done in my marriage.

So gals and guys....make your own list and ask your hubby to do the same, then sit down together and compare notes. You may find you get to know your spouse a bit better than you thought you did before!


Janet Rubin said...

wow. i'm not sure i could do this. but i'm glad you did. sounds like a healthy relationship!

Betsy Ann said...

Miralee! What a fantastic idea. I think I might try it...that'd be a good project for both me and Hubby. We're young and have been married 3 years now - why not start things out right? I bet there woudl probably be things I'd assume of him wanting/needing that weren't accurate, as well. Thanks for sharing this!!

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